We Do Not Twerk In Class

Things I said this week:

• Erase the penis and you can get out of Hooverville. (It was in the middle of our Great Depression Simulation. I may have used Hooverville as a punitive measure for one student. It won’t happen again… though to be fair the graffiti probably made it more realistic).

Life goals for most of us... for some of my kids it's just "toilet"

• In response to a kid who, as we were talking through his life goals, said, “first I pass your class, Ms. W, then I graduate high school, then I get my GED, then I go to coll—“ oh wait, hold up there, sweethoneysugarbabypie, if you graduate high school you don’t need your GED. Awwww. (“sweethoneysugarbabypie” and “awww” were both in my head—he must not know anybody who’s graduated high school. But he will!).

• Um, this essay is well-written, but can we talk about your research? Because the Civil War isn’t on our syllabus.  
• How did I know what “stupida” meant even though I don’t speak Spanish? Because I’m not stupida.
• Yeah, Stalin was a shmuck. Oops! I mean a… none of you know what shmuck means? Oh, it’s dick in Yiddish. Oops!

The level of response I got when kids had to make a "dating profile"
for one of history's dictators

• Who would you rather date: Hitler, Stalin, or Mussolini?
• Do you ever study? Nope? Well, that’s probably why she has a D. (To irate parents who came all the way across town to see me about a student’s grade. At least the kid was honest).
• No, we cannot click the ad for “the top ten ways sex changed history” that just popped up on the history channel video we’re watching.
• Gentlemen, we are not discussing our jail records today, we are discussing trench warfare. What's that? No, no, that did not mean that I have a jail record, the "our" was really "your." No, it didn't mean we're discussing them tomorrow, either... oh boy. You are not now nor ever permitted to compare your jail records in my class, capisce? Also, put your shirt back on. Nobody wants to see that.
• Hmmm... an example for fascism that you can understand.... how do you all feel about the administration?
• Did we do anything yesterday? No, we sat around and picked our noses, waiting for you to come back from suspension… No, not really!
• You did real good. (It’s come out of my mouth at least six times this week; I’m counting. But what’s the point of praise if it’s not in their language? 
• Why did you throw the desk? Uh-huh, I see. Do you know that it hit me? It did. It hurt. Did you get in trouble? Yeah. So what better way can you respond to that completely legitimate anger, something that doesn’t get you in trouble and doesn’t hurt people you don’t want to? (In my head: Is this right? Is this what I say? Is this right?)

• In another private pep talk: This is your time, your time. Out there, it’s the adults’ time. But in here, in this class, it’s your time. (I’ve decided that since nobody listens to my heartfelt pep talks, I may as well plagiarize them directly from the Goonies. At least I’ll be entertained while I’m talking.

And, my personal favorite, from today:

• We do not twerk in class.

We NEVER twerk in class! 

And this, when I polled my students:

From the start of my poll in literacy block: we'd just read an article about the pros and cons of texting, so it was seemed apropos that the kids text their responses. Only one admitted a secret crush on Julius Caesar.